Let’s talk … and listen!
By Susie Donaldson
UK marriage and divorce statistics are regularly in the headlines, often on the back of the most recent celebrity split. Lately it’s the marriage breakdown of Cheryl and Ashley Cole in which the tabloids seem to be revelling – but you don’t have to be a celebrity, or married to one, to be at risk from a split. In the UK:
 35 divorces are granted every hour; - approximately 31% of marriages end in divorce within the first ten years;
- 45% of marriages will end in divorce before a couple makes it to their 50th anniversary;
- 20% of second marriages will end in divorce; and
- marriage rates continue to fall whilst the number of couples choosing to live together rises.
(Statistics from the Office for National Statistics ONS.)
All relationships go through difficult times – for many different reasons – and Christian marriages are no more immune to theirproblems than any other. It's how you handle the difficulties that can make the difference between staying together and splitting up.
At Inspire we offer counselling to individuals and couples. Many of our clients are experiencing relationship difficulties that are threatening to break their marriage. Many couples attending will say: “We've tried everything - counselling is our last resort." Sadly many do leave counselling until it's too late and by the time of their first appointment, years of bitterness and resentment have built up and the fear of being hurt blocks out any chance of change.
Experience and evidence tell us that the most positive outcome for a couple is achieved when they come to counselling as soon as they recognise there is an issue. Most will agree that counselling is a positive experience that helps them to step out from an uncomfortable place and begin to make a difference to a painful situation. Often we see marriages enriched, when couples begin to see their difficulties as strengths rather than points of conflict; the issues that have been driving them apart can begin to pull them closer together. Even those couples who have decided to split find that talking it through with a counsellor can help them navigate their way effectively through this difficult time, whilst retaining as much regard and respect for one another as they can.
So, if you are experiencing any of the following or you are aware that things are just not right in your relationship, perhaps now is the time to consider counselling:
- When you talk to your partner, it feels as though you're hitting a brick wall.
- Your conversations just go round and round in never-ending circles.
- After you've talked, you feel frustrated and confused.
- You can't talk for more than a few minutes without it turning into a shouting match.
- You're afraid that if you bring up a certain subject, things will get even worse.
- There's nothing left to say.
Our trained couples’ counsellors will always seek to work with your agendas, and will offer no judgement or opinion about the choices made. Whilst we’d love to see marriages restored we know and acknowledge that sometimes they can’t be! What we can offer is a safe and welcoming environment where both of you will be heard, valued and respected.
And don’t forget Inspire has a bursary fund so don’t let your finances, which can often be a point of conflict in a relationship, stop you seeking the help you need.
Susie Donaldson is the Director of Inspire Counselling & Training and can be contacted at:-
Inspire Counselling & Training
The Fletcher Centre,
2 Crescent Road,
Ipswich
Suffolk
IP1 2EX
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